I have a soul.
It is being squeezed and tormented by the stacks of text books and work crowding my desk. It's begs to go pack a picnic and spend the day doused in sun.
I have a mind.
And it is laughing at the challenges set before me, and crying out for harder problems, "bring on the statistical inference" it yells.
Hence, I am confused. My mind & my soul will not reconcile, and I am living in binaries. It is exhausting.
Does work only become work when you 'have to' do it? I love my Sunday paper cross words, and other accompanying little puzzle problems. But when I get one of these wrong no one blinks an eye, I shrug and do it all again next Sunday. So maybe its the grade that makes 'work' "work." Those big angry red numbers that accompany exams, scrawled on the front annoying you like an insolent child throwing a tantrum in the middle of a supermarket.
I told my mother the other day that I cannot stand 'warm' colours during exam period. All my highlighters and post-its are greens and blues, occasionally yellow. I always mark my own work with an X or tick in green pen, I'm not sure I even own a red pen anymore. We now both think I have developed a life long phobia to red and associated colours. Just like Pavlov's dogs, I've been conditioned to fear red. Maybe teachers should start marking papers in a calmer colour? Maybe turquoise, its probably the most inoffensive & un-inflammatory colour I can think of right now. .....Or would students then come to fear turquoise?
I think I will seriously consider hiring colour consulting therapist.
